I don't apply the "start as you mean to go on" rule of thumb to sleep training. Babies are babies, and they sleep like babies... waking up often to nurse and cuddle. This is called comfort. And it's important. Very, very, very important. Read up on what happens to babies who don't get the appropriate comfort. It's incredibly sad. Babies are helplessly dependent on their mama. They need your comfort as much as they need your milk.
I intend to be there for my children as they grow. Not always to be nursed and cuddled... they will outgrow that without me having to push them into it... but I intend for them to know that their needs matter, and that I will be there for them. So although I have always chosen to nurse and rock my babies to sleep, and that is something I don't intend to do forever (and now don't, with my three oldest, obviously), I am "starting as I mean to go on" in that I am showing them compassion and love through being there for them.
I have heard many new mamas express concern that rocking and nursing babies to sleep, or cuddling them, or that sort of thing, will make them unable to ever sleep independently. Nope! It doesn't. My older three have transitioned into sleeping on their own and through the night just when it was the right time for them, but without the trauma of crying themselves to sleep. Trust me. Trust your baby. Your little baby won't be spoiled if you rock him and cuddle him and nurse him to sleep. He will be comforted, and made more secure in your love for him.
Thursday, September 1, 2016
Tuesday, August 30, 2016
#2: Start Training Young.
Here is a useful saying for parenting: "Start as you mean to go on." I've found this to apply in many small ways.
If you don't want your one-year-old to grab your glasses, don't let her do it when she is four months old and learning how to swipe at things.
If you don't want your toddler to roll over and run away from you when you change his diaper on the floor, don't let him do it when he is six months old. Hold him still every time, and it becomes a simple, gentle discipline. He won't learn to later roll over and escape when he is bigger, faster, and harder to wrangle if you make the choice to stop him the first several times he tries. You've already taught him "no" in that area without even having to say the word.
If you don't want your toddler to throw her food on the floor, don't laugh when she does it the first time at ten months old (no matter how cute it actually may be that first time!). And don't pick it up for her. Throwing one's food on the floor... and then having no more food to eat... turns out not to be all that fun by itself. Say something like, "Uh-oh, it looks like you threw your food on the floor. All done eating!" A few times of unsmiling, straightforward responses from the parents makes the throwing-food thing lose all appeal.
I don't apply the "start as you mean to go on" to sleep training. Babies are babies, and they sleep like babies... waking up often to nurse and cuddle. This is called comfort. And it's important. Very, very, very important.
I intend to be there for my children as they grow. Not always to be nursed and cuddled... they will outgrow that without me having to push them into it... but I intend for them to know that their needs matter, and that I will be there for them. So although I have always chosen to nurse and rock my babies to sleep, and that is something I don't intend to do forever, I am "starting as I mean to go on" in that I am showing them compassion and love through being there for them.
I have heard many new mamas express concern that rocking and nursing babies to sleep, or cuddling them, or that sort of thing, will make them unable to ever sleep independently. Nope! It doesn't. My older three have transitioned into sleeping on their own and through the night just when it was the right time for them, but without the trauma of crying themselves to sleep. Trust me. Trust your baby. Your child won't be spoiled if you rock him and cuddle him and nurse him to sleep... he will be comforted, and made more secure in your love for him.
If you don't want your one-year-old to grab your glasses, don't let her do it when she is four months old and learning how to swipe at things.
If you don't want your toddler to roll over and run away from you when you change his diaper on the floor, don't let him do it when he is six months old. Hold him still every time, and it becomes a simple, gentle discipline. He won't learn to later roll over and escape when he is bigger, faster, and harder to wrangle if you make the choice to stop him the first several times he tries. You've already taught him "no" in that area without even having to say the word.
If you don't want your toddler to throw her food on the floor, don't laugh when she does it the first time at ten months old (no matter how cute it actually may be that first time!). And don't pick it up for her. Throwing one's food on the floor... and then having no more food to eat... turns out not to be all that fun by itself. Say something like, "Uh-oh, it looks like you threw your food on the floor. All done eating!" A few times of unsmiling, straightforward responses from the parents makes the throwing-food thing lose all appeal.
I don't apply the "start as you mean to go on" to sleep training. Babies are babies, and they sleep like babies... waking up often to nurse and cuddle. This is called comfort. And it's important. Very, very, very important.
I intend to be there for my children as they grow. Not always to be nursed and cuddled... they will outgrow that without me having to push them into it... but I intend for them to know that their needs matter, and that I will be there for them. So although I have always chosen to nurse and rock my babies to sleep, and that is something I don't intend to do forever, I am "starting as I mean to go on" in that I am showing them compassion and love through being there for them.
I have heard many new mamas express concern that rocking and nursing babies to sleep, or cuddling them, or that sort of thing, will make them unable to ever sleep independently. Nope! It doesn't. My older three have transitioned into sleeping on their own and through the night just when it was the right time for them, but without the trauma of crying themselves to sleep. Trust me. Trust your baby. Your child won't be spoiled if you rock him and cuddle him and nurse him to sleep... he will be comforted, and made more secure in your love for him.
Friday, June 24, 2016
#1: Ten-Minute Chore Time
The mess in our house has been out of control lately. I have four kids under the age of seven, and they have an immense amount of creativity (which I encourage and enjoy). I tend to think we can play all day and then take an hour to clean up, but that doesn't work so well for my little boys, who usually fall off task if we wait until the end of the day to clean up.
Enter my newest invention: TEN-MINUTE CHORE TIME.
Here's how it works. It's the morning, or the middle of the day, or sometime in the afternoon. Kids are playing. They've been playing for an hour solid, and they've left a lot of toys in their wake. The game is going great. Or maybe it's not, maybe they are starting to rub on each other's nerves.
Enter Mom.
"Hey, kids! It's time for Ten-Minute Chore Time!"
I give them each one or two tasks in different areas of the house. I just did this for the second time today, and the baby was sleeping, so I wanted them to do their tasks rather quietly. I sent one child to unload the dishwasher, one child to do several small laundry tasks, and one child to help me pick up excess toys in the living room (where they are currently making a monstrous fort). Each kid stayed on task, got the job done quickly and efficiently, and then they went back to playing... with no complaining! Sooo much better than trying to clean up everything at the end of the day, or nagging at them while they are playing to also maybe kinda pick a few things up as they go.
My goal is to do Ten-Minute Chore Time three or four times each day. It's not a big, complicated system. It's just a simple way for us to clean up as we go, and at a time when it's convenient for me to make sure I keep the kids on task. Keeping it to ten minutes (or a little less, to start with) makes it easy to stay on task. There are no parameters written down on a list that means that this kid only has to do this task, or whatever, so Mom can assign what seems fair and appropriate in the moment. Limiting it to ten minutes makes it possible for the kids to accomplish the task and earn the satisfaction of a job well done.
Ten-Minute Chore Time! Give it a try. Let me know how it goes!
Enter my newest invention: TEN-MINUTE CHORE TIME.
Here's how it works. It's the morning, or the middle of the day, or sometime in the afternoon. Kids are playing. They've been playing for an hour solid, and they've left a lot of toys in their wake. The game is going great. Or maybe it's not, maybe they are starting to rub on each other's nerves.
Enter Mom.
"Hey, kids! It's time for Ten-Minute Chore Time!"
I give them each one or two tasks in different areas of the house. I just did this for the second time today, and the baby was sleeping, so I wanted them to do their tasks rather quietly. I sent one child to unload the dishwasher, one child to do several small laundry tasks, and one child to help me pick up excess toys in the living room (where they are currently making a monstrous fort). Each kid stayed on task, got the job done quickly and efficiently, and then they went back to playing... with no complaining! Sooo much better than trying to clean up everything at the end of the day, or nagging at them while they are playing to also maybe kinda pick a few things up as they go.
My goal is to do Ten-Minute Chore Time three or four times each day. It's not a big, complicated system. It's just a simple way for us to clean up as we go, and at a time when it's convenient for me to make sure I keep the kids on task. Keeping it to ten minutes (or a little less, to start with) makes it easy to stay on task. There are no parameters written down on a list that means that this kid only has to do this task, or whatever, so Mom can assign what seems fair and appropriate in the moment. Limiting it to ten minutes makes it possible for the kids to accomplish the task and earn the satisfaction of a job well done.
Ten-Minute Chore Time! Give it a try. Let me know how it goes!
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